CIS Top 10 Performers – #TheCBGBunch: Welcome back and Happy New Year!

Welcome to the third season of The CBG Bunch, a specialized column dedicated to the CIS season. Every week, CBG parses through the CIS box scores over Sunday brunch while looking for #TheCBGBunch, a group of the top performers of the weekend’s action.

This week in #badpuns, we wish every aficionado reader a #HappyNewYear; we like to think that you enjoyed the holidays and saw the loved and the close ones in your lives and, before we move on to serious things like #ballislife, we wish you health, joy and love for 2016. We also hope that you get a little closer to achieving the biggest dream you have; money makes the world go ‘round, and the dream keeps the dreamer moving forward.

Apologies to Brock’s Dani Elgadi, Acadia’s Shaquille Smith and Winnipeg’s Denzel Lynch-Blair. #ThereCanOnlyBe10

Tyler Scott, UPEI Panthers VS Saint Mary’s Huskies: 34 points, 9 rebounds, 2 assists, 1 steal 

Welcome to the Tyler Scott takeover: if it feels like the fourth-year guard is everywhere these days, it’s because he is. Look, that’s him making the cut at some point in the first half of this season; that’s him again as one of the chosen first-half “Five Alive all stars” of #TheCBGBunch. There’s more: there’s us buying the notion that Scott is the CIS player of the year.

Now is as good a time as any to say that we’re planning to release a CIS Top 50 player rankings in the coming days and that *SPOILER ALERT* Tyler Scott will figure prominently.

All of which is to say the man has been in fuego in 2015-16: per game, Scott ranks first in points, 42nd in rebounds and 83rd in assists. You say, “Alright that’s all dandy but…” But the real impressive stuff comes next: the fourth-year guard is working on a 52/47/86 shooting line and is making two more field goals than anyone else in Canada.

The CIS is Tyler Scott’s world and we’re just happy to drain the corner 3 whenever we’re open.

Javon Masters, UNB Varsity Reds at St. FX X-Men: 42 points, 2 rebounds, 6 assists, 4 steals 

Might fellow AUS scoring guard Javon Masters also be of the opinion that #TylerScottbeeverywhere? We know nothing here, we’re aware of that, but we are simply going off of what we see in the CIS boxscores; we are only connecting the dots. Does Masters, he of the CIS player diary, read what we write in #TheCBGBunch? Does he read the #Bunch and notice all the love thrown Scott’s way? Does he notice that Scott goes out and scores 34 and feels like he absolutely must best him with 42 of his own? In other words, is there a Scott-Masters scoring rivalry unfolding before our very eyes?

No? Oh okay. Carry on, then.

Greishe Clerjuste, UQAM Citadins at Bishop’s Gaiters: 30 points, 8 rebounds, 2 assists, 2 steals 

Ah yes, welcome to yet another lesson in understanding what makes the CIS such a better entity than its American counterpart, the NCAA.

This week, we’ll explain how the Canadian Interuniversity Sport league is such a clair et juste option for Canadians who love to compete in the classroom as much as they do in the gym. You see, it’s clear (i.e. clair) that the CIS teaches its student-athletes to read between the numbers. Your jersey number is 12, which is related to the 30 points you scored and your 11-for-20 shooting performances: 1+2 = 3+0 = 1X1+2+0.

The CIS is also fair because if you keep looking, you’ll see it. You’ve grabbed eight rebounds, and the links are everywhere: 2 assists X 4 personal fouls = 8; 2 steals X 4 free throws attempted = 8; 2 turnovers + 6 three pointers attempted; and 35 minutes played as an acronym for eight (i.e. 3+5 = 8).

Alexandre Leclerc, Laval Rouge et Or VS Concordia Stingers: 27 points, 4 rebounds, 4 assists, 3 steals 

In Laval’s Alexandre Leclerc, the CIS has perhaps its foremost bilingual student-athlete. Because, you see, Alexandre’s last name will be accurate in both English and French. For the former, last season’s RSEQ rookie of the year is indeed quite the taskmaster, able “to keep records, file, or perform other general […] tasks.” It’s true: Leclerc can score, but he’s just as good rebounding the ball. For the latter, Leclerc is indeed quite the scholar and intellectual: because watching him play basketball is akin to a graduate-level science class. (HA! I’m here all season long.)

Ahmed Haroon, Guelph Gryphons VS Western Mustangs:  26 points, 6 rebounds, 2 assists, 1 steal, 1 block 

Well well, then… We like to think of ourselves as quite knowledgeable on all things CIS; an aficionado columnist for his aficionado readers, if you will. We look, and have looked, at plenty of boxscores over Sunday in our spare time, as the preamble to every edition of the #Bunch says—but sometimes, the eyes deceive us. Sometimes, we glance at a name, see the stud #statline that said name has put up, and draw a blank.

Don’t take this the wrong way, Ahmed Haroon. We didn’t know about you. But now we definitely do.

Grant Sitton, Victoria Vikes VS Manitoba Bisons: 28 points, 11 rebounds, 2 blocks 

Grant Sitton is a man of many talents. We hear he’s #goodatbasketball and if you don’t believe so, the Victoria Vikes are on Twitter to remind you of it.

But that’s not all. Sitton is well-versed in the science of social media sharing. Though his Instagram account is private, he does share a few of the posts on Twitter; he appears to understand that posting a photo of yourself holding a child will get you brownie points, even though you’re wearing an OKC Thunder hat and the columnist writing about you is a Golden State Warriors fan.

But it’s on Twitter that Sitton shines brightest. Look, he’s here talking about the matters of the heart, which is an easy and great way to showcase your talents. He also believes in my favourite rebuttal to the faulty “Yes but if X happened, then I would be Y” logic. But really, Sitton is great at Twitter because he knows that a good account needs two things to survive: GIFs and humour, and possibly both at once.

Walks into professor's office hours during finals week https://t.co/8jBw2RwnVm

— College Student (@ColIegeStudent) December 9, 2015

When you rush from a workout to your 8:30 class and the professor is 20 minutes late… I didn't shower for this!!!

— Grant Sitton (@grantsitton) January 4, 2016

Brian Rouse, Saint Mary’s Huskies at Dalhousie Tigers: 20 points, 11 rebounds, 5 assists, 1 steal, 2 blocks 

At their best, the Saint Mary’s men’s basketball team is like a sled and it has in Osman Barrie, Theon Reefer, Ryan Augustine and others, quite the pack of huskies pulling it. The sled is well-balanced and different dogs will do the heavy pulling at different moments—which is to say that on a team well-balanced like Saint Mary’s, different players will rise up and do the heavy lifting for different games. Against last season’s AUS champions, it was Brian Rouse’s turn to rise up.

That’s him in the offseason; he’s good, folks.

Matt Daley, UNB Varsity Reds at Cape Breton Capers: 29 points, 2 rebounds, 7 assists, 2 steals 

Ah, the joy of writing our own weekly column where we make our own damn rules. If only in the spirit of trying our hardest not to cheat our dear readers of a fairly pleasing reading experience, one of the rules we have instituted is that we shall tackle no more than one CIS/NCAA contrast per edition of the #Bunch.

There would have been something to do here, again regarding numbers and how much Matt Daley loves 2 and 7 and… No. Sometimes, a good column is like a box of your favourite cookies: eat too much of a good thing in one sitting and you’ll get sick.

Instead, we’ll roll out this #badpun: against the Capers, the MD of Matt Daley stood for doctor of medicine. Because the fifth-year player was just what the Varsity Reds needed to cure their ills.

Kevon Parchment, Fraser Valley Cascades VS Mount Royal Cougars: 28 points, 14 rebounds, 6 assists, 6 steals, 2 blocks 

The last rodeo is always the most memorable one, say the scriptures. As our quite-grown-up young hero read from his beloved book written on parchment paper, he read from the heart. He was still out west amid, he’d learn by heart now because he read so often, the cascades of his heart; though this last rodeo had already proved to be more dangerous and treacherous than the previous one, he kept going.

He kept going and going because sometimes, you have to lose yourself before you find your way home. Our young hero and his brothers in arms were losing almost as often as they won, but he had grown wiser. The scriptures say keep going, he’d remind himself; our young hero was willing to be and become whoever to help the team. “You’ll see who you are when you look in the depths of your soul,” the scriptures said. “Even Scottie Pippen.”

Scottie who, our young hero did not know, as this time was a time far, far away. But it was a name he intended to never forget.

MBB: @goUFV wraps up an 89-75 victory over @MRUCougars! Kevon Parchment was an absolute monster tonight: 28pts, 14reb, 6ast, 6stl, 2blk.

— UFV Cascades (@UFVCascades) January 9, 2016

Brett Layton, Mount Royal Cougars at Fraser Valley Cascades: 22 points, 24 rebounds, 2 assists, 3 blocks 

In a different world, maybe Kevon Parchment would have done enough for the “Bad Man” distinction this week—but who said life was fair? In, and we quote, the “strangest contest in Canada West history,” one newcomer stood out above the pack. For Mount Royal, rookie Brett Layton had himself an evening and collected more rebounds than he had points. And FYI: he finished with 22 of the former.

It’s become increasingly clear that Layton is the perfect cougar, taking what he wants when he wants it.

Follow Charles Blouin-Gascon on Twitter @RealCBG & NPH @Northpolehoops