Welcome to the second season of The CBG Bunch, a specialized column dedicated to the CIS season. Every week, CBG parses through the CIS box scores over Sunday brunch while looking for #TheCBGBunch, a group of the top performers of the weekend’s action.
This week in #badpuns, we bid adieu to a stellar regular season by celebrating the excellence it showcased every single week. We had #badpuns, but most of the time we were left in awe and speechless. Here’s to hoping the playoffs live up to the standard that this regular season established.
Apologies to the entire RSEQ conference. This week, #TheCBGBunch closes the books on the regular season knowing full well that the four teams from the ‘Q all play at least one more game. We’ve been your boy this entire time, so we hope you can forgive us this one trespassing.
Johnny Berhanemeskel, Ottawa Gee-Gees VS Laurentian Voyageurs: 24 points, 5 assists, 1 steal
Maybe this is the moment that Johnny Berhanemeskel’s entire career had been leading to. From an upstart in a good, not great, Ottawa team to now the veteran, leader and cold-blooded assassin on possibly the best team in the country, Johnny B Goode has enjoyed a great CIS career. He had a victory lap of sorts against Laurentian when, at home in the last regular season game of his career, Johnny B Goode drained a 3-pointer to reach quite the milestone.
Two thousand career points. Yep. We all have one of those “Gosh, this kid is so lanky and skimpy, how can he succeed at this level” stories regarding Berhanemeskel, so I’ll spare you mine. But I won’t spare you a #badpun.
Maybe call him JB2K, because Johnny B Goode is like the Y2K bug in 1999—we all wondered if he’d be alright but it was for naught. Ottawa couldn’t have found a better leader.
Philip Scrubb, Carleton Ravens VS Nipissing Lakers: 27 points, 3 rebounds, 3 assists, 4 steals
The CIS regular season bids adieu and farewell to another great, great champion in the person of Philip Scrubb. The native of Richmond, B.C., is perhaps the perfect point guard for coach Dave Smart’s system and over the course of five years, he’s feasted on just about every fool who dared step foot inside the Ravens’ Nest. Others may have flashier stats, or flashier dunks, or flashier crossovers, but no one has as much hardware as this Scrubb.
Needless to say, don’t you dare call him a scrub. He’s Point God, because no other moniker fits Scrubb’s 4.5-assist-to-turnover ratio. A pro career awaits, possibly even one in the NBA along with the big boys, but for now the playoffs are calling.
Karl Demers-Bélanger, Laval Rouge et Or VS Concordia Stingers: 27 points, 3 rebounds, 1 assist
We know that Karl Demers-Bélanger is working toward becoming an actuary, but we’ll spare you the statistical analysis he deserves for a nod in the most powerful CIS player recap in the history of mankind. Regular readers of #TheCBGBunch will know by now, anyway, that our analysis is much more sentimental and madness than statistical.
We can point to the fact that the third-year guard has been both excellent and reliable this season, with only one game where he didn’t manage at least 10 points. But the real reason? Judging from his Twitter page (@karldb7), the man appears to be a big New England Patriots fan, which tells us that he is a good man. Not every one gets the chance to cheer for winners—we’re happy to have you on board, Karl! #StudLife
Nathan Culbreath, York Lions at Toronto Varsity Blues: 36 points, 7 rebounds, 3 assists, 2 blocks
One thing we like to do at #TheCBGBunch as the regular season winds down, is to give their due to some players who came close of earning a nod but who couldn’t for a reason or another. And in typical “Excel-eee-ra-te you-uuur breath” fashion, Nathan Culbreath didn’t let a few close calls curb his enthusiasm and finally made the cut this week.
Because in all honesty, Culbreath took our breath away with his performance against Toronto. (No, there’s a better #badpun.) Culbreath was half man, half chewing gum. (Meh.) This sophomore has lived up to his name and all season long was the dose of cool breath that the York Lions needed—call him Excel. (Thanks, I’ll be here all week.)
Alexandre Bernard, UQAM Citadins at McGill Redmen: 25 points, 11 rebounds, 4 assists, 1 block, 2 blocks
Alexandre Bernard is yet another brilliant player who can now move on to bigger and better things than regular season CIS basketball. Things were messy this season for the people of the city, as the citadins struggled to a 4-10 (pending another two games, yes) finish but the bad man Alexandre Bernard held up his end of the bargain.
He also used his last season to remind us of an important fact of life—the older you get and the wiser you become. Not only that, but you’ll often want to prove to the younger folks that you’ve still got it, and so you explain to everyone why the CIS is better than the NCAA. “Take my 0 three-pointers, my 1 steal, my 2 blocks, my 3 turnovers, my 4 assists, my 5 free throws made, my 6 free throws attempts, my 25 points scored to get a 7 (2+5 = 7), my 8 defensive rebounds and the No. 9 on my jersey, and you have all the digits our world needs.”
Noel Moffat, Memorial Sea-Hawks at UNB Varsity Reds: 21 points, 12 rebounds, 2 assists, 1 block
You know the song, but it takes a while for you to remember it. It’s called “Misery,” but a name is just a name. It doesn’t come with a melody. You thought the old video, which you somehow found on YouTube, would help but not really. Sure, you have a vague feeling as you watch it. Their faces seem vaguely familiar, very, very much so, as they play the first verse outside on the grass, in front of a lake or something. Oh, that’s the video, of course, you can’t say that you have seen them play but you do remember hearing that song over and over on MuchMusic a long time ago, when watching MuchMusic was the “cool” thing to do.
Then, in the video there’s an old man backing up his car who ends up driving over the foot of a policeman, and who picks up a chair from his trunk and goes to sit down to watch their show. Then you remember that song, clear as day because the chorus hits. “Mise-ry! Is what I feel! When you’re not around. So I can’t he-al!”
I guess what I’m trying to say is that Noel Moffat may have more in common with Canada’s The Moffatts than just a name. It’s misery for the opponent when this fourth-year wing plays this well.
Bacarius Dinkins, Lakehead Thunderwolves at Guelph Gryphons: 20 points, 17 rebounds, 1 assist, 1 steal
We at #TheCBGBunch like to give credit where credit is due, and to believe the best out of people, and this is why when we ask who here remembers thing X from school it’s more of a rhetorical question. We know that readers of this space are of the aficionado kind and we are convinced that most remember the time they learned about, for example, mirror images and geometry in math class.
Well, Bacarius Dinkins happens to be a mirror image of last week’s big man Rhys Larry. Whereas Larry had 17 points and 20 rebounds, Dinkins has 20 points and 17 rebounds this week. Not only that, but in the same way that Larry Rhys was also a worthy name, so is Dinkins Bacarius—Larry and Dinkins are both among the “players whose name is so nice it also backwards” all-stars.
In short, Larry and Dinkins are one another’s mirror image. And they’re both Big Men just the same.
Adika Peter-McNeilly, Ryerson Rams VS Queen’s Gaels: 31 points, 5 rebounds, 2 assists, 3 steals, 1 block
The 2014-2015 is the consecration of what was once—and not so long ago—a moribund program in downtown Toronto. In his sixth season at Ryerson, head coach Roy Rana will get to play in his second CIS Final 8, though the team probably deserved another one or two appearances when it was stuck as the third wheel to Ottawa and Carleton.
If the Rams have been so successful, it’s in large part thanks to the commitment, five years ago, of Bjorn Michaelsen, Jordon Gauthier and Jahmal Jones. The game against the Gaels was the last regular season home game for the trio and to be the night to celebrate the three players that laid the groundwork for the program. Then, Adika Peter-McNeilly outdid everyone—call him Owen Wilson. It wasn’t a wedding that he crashed but it may as well have been. Just ask coach Rana.
Javon Masters, UNB Varsity Reds VS Memorial Sea-Hawks: 26 points, 4 rebounds, 5 assists
Whoever said that the sequel is never as good as the prequel never met Young Icarus. Because in this most fascinating second chapter, which came on the heels of such a historic rookie season that it birthed the Young Icarus nickname, our hero has reached the end of a sophomore regular season and he is still soaring. He is still high and high above in the sea of blue, forever biding for a day when he’ll be able to finally extend his arm and touch that big, round bulging and burning disk called the Sun.
A year ago, Young Icarus’s feeble and feathery wings hadn’t been able to sustain the heat and the Sun, this most treacherous of mistresses, had pushed back so Young Icarus had come crashing down. This season, the feathers are stronger, and so are the Varsity Reds—you can score all the points in the world, but if your teammates can’t soar with you then it’s all for naught. This isn’t a problem this season, and the Sun is within grasp.
Myles Charvis, Waterloo Warriors VS Western Mustangs: 30 points, 5 rebounds, 6 assists, 4 steals, 1 block
Myles Charvis is only on his second nod for #TheCBGBunch this season, but it may only be because the powers that be are somewhat reticent to give the young’uns their due. Because Myles Charvis has been straight ballin’ all season long for the Waterloo Warriors.
On a team as young as Waterloo, which has eight (!!!) rookies on the roster, a lot has been asked of Charvis, the nice man who turns bad on a basketball court. Consider that the man has managed at least 10 points in every game but one (i.e. against Carleton and its Point God), and at least 20 points in 10 of the 20 games he has played. Only a special player could finish ranked No. 7 in the CIS in scoring as a sophomore, and Charvis certainly appears to be special.
He’s still green behind the ears, yet he’s been asked to carry the team and has had to learn as he goes. He’s wise beyond his years—call him Benjamin Button.